Best Actor / F

I would like to begin by not thanking everyone who made this performance possible.

I do not want to thank the people who told me I think too much, as though my brain simply needed to lower the volume.

I do not want to thank those who told me to take it easy. I would have loved to. Unfortunately, nobody explained how.

I do not want to thank anyone who confused depression with sadness, or treated it like a bad mood that could be fixed with sunlight, exercise and a more positive attitude.

I do not want to thank the people who called me dramatic whenever my pain became inconvenient for them.

I do not want to thank those who said, “You seem fine to me,” as though appearing functional was proof that nothing was wrong.

And I certainly do not want to thank anyone who praised me for being strong when what they really meant was:
Thank you for suffering quietly enough that I did not have to deal with it.

Still, I smiled when I was supposed to. I answered, “I’m fine,” with remarkable consistency. I showed up, completed my lines and made everyone comfortable enough to believe the performance.

So this award belongs to me.

For every breakdown postponed until I was alone.

For every panic disguised as tiredness.

For every time I made survival look effortless because the audience did not want to see what it actually cost.

Thank you to absolutely none of you.